Nunca pensé que te irías tan fácil. 

Everytime I stare into your eyes I see the love you feel for me, it breaks me that I can’t give it to you.

El amor es increíble, puedes amarlo y odiarlo de un día a otro, confundimos el amor con muchas cosas, solo pocos saben que se siente amar realmente, confundimos el amor con dependencia, terminamos amando la idea del amor mas que al verdadero concepto del amor, idealizamos a las personas hasta convertirlas en algo que no son, no son reales, son reflejos de como nos gustaría que fueran y cuando actúan de una manera que no esperábamos le llamamos “corazón roto” el amor no es difícil, nosotros lo hacemos difícil, el amor no solo es felicidad, es tristeza, es desesperación, es todo, el amor es eso que mueve al mundo y es lo más complejo que existe, es por eso que lo sufrimos todo el tiempo. El amor no es malo, el amor ha sido mal interpretado toda la vida y nos quejamos de el sin razón, me gustaría aprender a amar algún día, me gustaría sentir el amor algún día, supongo que todavía no es mi momento.

I feel like crying, I dont belong, I don’t feel like myself, im turning into my mother, into my father, im turning into my boyfriend, im turning into everyone around me, expect me, im slowly losing myself, I’m becoming someone I don’t recognize. 

I’ve fallen in love again, I got heartbroken again, it doesn’t hurt like it used to anymore, I’ve become stronger, i don’t know what i’m feeling anymore, It feels like im drowning on my thoughts and I can’t seem to express myself correctly anymore, what is it what I want? who do I want? I want to cry and I want someone to hold me, I don’t wanna feel miserable anymore. 

I want to listen to our favorite music again, laying in your bed, I want you to wait for me, I know I can wait for you, I would wait a decade if you asked me to, I want to meet again, I want to hug you, I want to tell you how much you mean to me.

I wanna be by your side, have I been fooling myself? should I keep my thoughts to myself? should I go after you? The only thing I know is that I’m going to stay here, I’m going to keep walking, I wish I could stop the world for a moment and see you one last time. 

I want to tell you that you had been on my mind everyday since we left each other, I want to tell you I can’t seem to get you out of my thoughts, I can’t deal with this anymore, I don’t want to, I want you to want me as much as I want you. I’m selfish, maybe i’m crazy.

thoughts of a 2018 Michelle